38 weeks midwife appointment

38 weeks, 5 days
Midwife Kathleen


This week's selfie. The weird glow from below my belly
was not edited in.  That is how the camera took the picture.
Probably couldn't get it to do that again if I tried.

So close, yet seemingly so far away.

The nurse asked if I wanted to be checked at this appointment.  I wasn't prepared to be asked that, but I decided against it.  Why?

A.  No one tells you this, but getting checked hurts.  I switched from a crazy OB to the midwives at 35 weeks last pregnancy and then had G had 38 weeks, 1 day.  I never got checked with Garrett until after my water had already broken and I was in labor so I had no idea how awful that is to have done.  I advise against it on pain alone and I didn't have pain killers or an epidural with G. 

B.  Getting checked can actually cause accidental water breakage.  I would rather go into labor on my own on Blake's birthday not on his accidental birthday.  I know that makes me crazy, but I truly believe that if a baby is fine and there are no complications, then the baby should just come when he comes.

C.  Finding out you are or are not dilating, effacing, etc really means nothing.  Just because that stuff is happening does not change your due date or give you any concrete clues as to when you will actually go into labor so I imagine any information I got from it would just make me more anxious than I already am.  I have it in my pretty little head that this Friday (2 days from now) will be my last day at work.  I sure am going to be disappointed if I have to go back to work on Monday. 

This appointment was perfectly on time.  I got there early, got my room about 4 minutes before my appointment and Kathleen was in there as soon as the nurse walked out roughly 1 1/2 minutes before my appointment.  Even she was excited about her timeliness LOL.

Blood Pressure:  119/79
Belly measurement:  who knows, she didn't say, I didn't ask
Blake is head down and we are both pretty positive he is either not as tall or large as G was.  Thinking this one is your average 8 pound butterball, not an over 9 pounder like G. 

I am still walking and carrying on like I'm not even pregnant so hopefully labor will be super easy.  That is another thing I have told myself.  Blake is just going to slip out as soon as I go into labor.  Please God do not let it last 24 hours!!!!  Drug free for 24 hours is rough, doable, but rough. 

I ordered my workout program, Body Beast, last weekend and it should be here Friday so I am ready to continue working out as soon as Blake arrives.  Yes, I realize that is one tough and buff looking dude on the cover, but I love weights.  Cardio bores me, unless on the odd occasion I really need a good run.  My research says that if you worked out your whole pregnancy there is no reason you can't dive right back in.  Of course you have to use common sense, which lucky for me I have.  I'm thinking I won't actually get started until a week after he arrives, but it will depend on how I am feeling.  I will definitely be wearing my Fitbit One and making sure 10,000 steps is happening no matter what.  I have big fitness plans this year considering Blake is technically supposed to be my last baby.  I'm not convinced yet that is true, but for now we will go with it.    

So, next appointment if for some crazy stroke of luck I make it that long is the day after Christmas, AKA my due date.  We'll see, but really it would be awesome if he came before then.  She asked if I want to have my membranes scraped that day if I make it.  Ummmmm, my quick answer was no.  If I don't want to be checked because it is painful, I'm not sure scraping certain parts sounds any less painful.  Plus, I am committed to this whole natural childbirth, babies come when babies come thing so I guess I should just stick with it.  We'll see how I feel that day though I suppose. 

Life's Messy Decisions

 

So, it is just kind of hitting me that there are going to be 2 boys.  I am going to be the mom to 2 sons.  That is awesome and scary all at the same time.  At the moment I don't really feel ganged up on because lets face it G really loves his mommy.  He is just now getting used to daddy.  Blame nursing, blame my amazing momminess (haha), who knows, but up till recently he has been my kid.  That doesn't mean that he isn't all boy, all the time.  He is more dirty and gross than I prefer, but really he is a sweet cuddly little human being.

Back to the messy decisions of life....

We need to order a few personalized items for the boy's room and finish getting it set  up completely.  We need to buy a few things we wished we had the first time or that somehow broke along the way.  That is the fun stuff. 

Then there is the crappy stuff, the stuff that stresses me out and brings tears....that very first decision you have to make as a mom and a dad to a son...circumcision.  Sorry guys if you are reading this (or even mommas), but seriously I did my research before I had Garrett and for whatever reason I still let Mark talk me into letting G have it done.  So recently I tried the discussion again and of course cried.  Not the messy mascara running type of crying but more the head in my arm, faced down on the bed so he won't see me type of tears.  I'm not a boy I don't understand whether it bothers a boy to either be or not to be, but the process freaks me out and makes me sad and I know it causes pain.  What mom in their right mind consciously causes their brand new baby pain?  I did and it still haunts me.  I actually still feel guilt over that very first decision. 

Mark thinks the boy's need to be the same and that if they do not have everything the same their whole entire life it will cause conflict.  Do I care about conflict.  Not really.  I don't want them to be the same and I don't think it is necessary or realistic to assume that their entire life they are going to want or need the exact same of everything.  Apparently I am not a boy and just don't understand. 

I'm not really sure what to do, but ultimately this was the one and only reason I never wanted to have another son.  This one decision.  I know with kids you make 5 million decisions, some hard, some easy, and that is just before they turn 5 but seriously this one gets to me.  If this kid is anything like G, he will hurt himself enough over the years without me adding to the mix. 

I have seen the debate on many mom groups and right now this family is divided.